My World Is Lonely. And Then Again, Not.

So, first things firts. Scott and I broke up. Hence, the lonely part. But, before I get any sympathy comments, it's ok. Our relationship has been turning into more of a friendship for a while and it was finally time to stop pretending and move on. We are of course still going to be friends, but if anyone needs my number to give out feel free to call my mother! ; ) Actually, the other day a very hott man came to fix my water pressure and my roommates and I have been trying all day to find reasons to get him to come back!

Suprisingly, this blog actually isn't about break-ups or hott men. I know you're dissapointed, but I get the feeling you'll be over it quickly. It's actually about another light bulb going off in my head. Last night when Scott and I actually officially ended things between us I naturally was very upset. (I may be over it now, but it's been 24 hours. Two of which were spent therapy shopping at WalMart) After he left I naturally went inside to ruin any semblance of a figure I had left with whatever I could find in my cupboards and feel sorry for my poor self. I started thinking about all that I've lost in my life. Especially when it comes to people. As I've told many of you, being a 19 year old female living in Utah sucked rocks. (Forgive the language mom, but it is my blog) All my best friends left and my life went with them. Every guy I've ever dated is either long gone or just a friend now (which would explain why I'm not married) and my girl friends are all off getting married and having babies and doing that whole life thing. Needless to say, I was having myself a grand old pity party and feeding my depression by the spoonfull. Not my proudest moment.

Now, I like music. I like it a lot actually and rarely do anything without having something playing in the background, especially have pity parties. So my music was playing in the background during this time when a song by Rascall Flatts came on called "He Ain't The Leavin' Kind". I don't know if any of you are familiar with it, but here are the lyrics:

They tried their best to drag him outof a courthouse down in Montgomery

And now they wanna kick him out of school

And take him off our money

They can take those words off of

Paper and stone

But he ain't gone, no

Chorus:He ain't the leavin' kind

He'd never walk away

Even from those who don't believe

And wanna leave him behind

He ain't the leavin' kind

She stayed mad at him for a lot of years

For takin' her husband

Started losin' her faith

And thinkin' that her life meant nothin'

But when she looks at those kids she raised all by herself

She knows she had some help, yeah

She knows

No matter what you do

No matter where you go

He's always right there with you

Even from those you don't belive

And wanna leave him behind

He ain't the leavin' kind

No, noHe ain't the leavin' kind

He ain't the leavin' kind

Woo, woo

He ain't the leavin' kind

Well, the song played and I thought "Yeah, that's what I need to find. One who's not the leaving kind. Someone who is actually willing to stay and make things right even when it's not easy. Stupid men." (which was the sentence ending of choice for the night) And the music kept playing and I kept thinking. Well, the words kept coming back into my mind and replaying themselves over and over. I'm sure most of you caught onto who exactly the song is talking about the first time you heard/read it, but not me! I had to have a small lightning bolt hit me for me to figure things out. Christ. He ain't the leavin' kind. He is the ultimate relationship. Here I had been thinking of how picked on I was and how no one ever stayed around when things got rough and I'd neglected to remember the most important person. No matter what I've been through Christ has been there every step of the way. Not only every step, but even a step ahead. He is in control, He knows what's coming next and He knows what I need in order to be prepared. I have often envied my friends who come to BYU, meet the man of thier dreams right away, get married and live happily ever after while I'm still stuck in the awkward first dates/painful break-ups stage. But what I realized last night was that Christ knows what we each need. And He will walk with each of us down the paths we need in order to fulfill our purpose and mission here in life. I know, I know, everybody else got that one in primary school, but I apparently need to learn some things the calorie/tear filled way. (which is probably why I keep getting led down the rougher paths, I never did learn the easy way.)

In summary/ in conclusion/ what I basically mean to say is that I am so gratefull for my Savior. I am eternally indebted to Him for the countless hours and years that He stands by my side showing me the way I need to go. Holding me when I think I'm falling, catching me when I do fall and sometimes pushing me when I'm just to stubborn/terrified to move. I am thankful that even though He had completed His mission in life and the atonement has been fulfilled, He still does not rest. He is there helping me reach stars I'd always believed to be far and beyond my reach.